Sunday, January 2, 2011

Yahoo!

So each year I give in and allow myself to post a top ten list on my blog.  I could succumb to this temptation daily, it is a constant fight.  So once a year it is like a purging or an anti-resolution.


This year, the Top Ten Companies that should buy Yahoo! I personally think Yahoo! still has value.  Flickr can be salvaged, their sports department as far as reporting go is good, and they are still the best at Fantasy Sports.  Nevermind that they still have their finger in a million pies.  One Login, several sites is the future and Yahoo! is there.


10) AAA
Yes, the autoclub.  Think about it.  AAA is a company that is trying to do everything, is way past it's prime, and has a lowsy web presence.  Yahoo! brings together the synergy of "What the hell are we?" of these two companies.  AAA is to car towing as Yahoo is to search.  You only use it if you suck and have no other options, or if it is grossly convenient.

9) Radio Shack
Again we get the weird synergy.  This time it's "How the hell are we still in business?"  Definitely related but different.  This would allow Yahoo! to finally get in on that Bricks-n-Clicks thing all the kids were raving about 5 years ago.  Five years ago really is Yahoo!'s mission statement, if they have one.  Radio Shack's is very similar.

8) MySpace
Dude, have you seen their new logo?  Or their beta? Sweeeeeeet!  This deal would work because again 5 years + 5 years ago = Retro Cool.  I only partially being sarcastic.  Yahoo! could never beat Google, and MySpace could never beat Facebook, so why not merge and together become the ultimate underdog, the ultimate 2nd place.  If the Buffalo Bills and the Minnesota Vikings merged, they would win a Super Bowl, I promise!

7) MetaFilter
This is the Darkhorse of the bunch.  Think about what the combined intelligence, creativity and passion of the MetaFilter community could do with Yahoo!?  And NO, I did not put them on the list in hopes for a cheap link.  How dare you think so little of me.  You make it seem as if I put the exclamation point at the end of the brand's name every single time I used it as an SEO gag.  Never.  I am above that.  MetaFilter would make magnificent owners of Yahoo!  They'd open-source that bitch and make trillions.  They would be truly not Evil and be the counter to Google that we need.

6) Etsy
Look Yahoo! was a poorly crafted pyramid scheme, so why not put it in the hands of real crafts people who may actually be able to turn it into something decent.  Again, the key is creativity and passion.  The Etsy community has both to spare.  And they could raise the money with zero leveraging or zero games, they would be able to sell earrings and beer cozies to raise the funds.

5) Ebay
They are already an evil and vile company so why not go after Google and buy Yahoo!  This would be the best pr move ever for Google, but at the same time a scary one.  Ebay would actually be a good home for Yahoo! with their ability to make money they could do some interesting things with what's left of the former giant.

4) Amazon
This idea combines the worst of all possible ideas.  A company that doesn't know how to make money buying a company that doesn't know how to make money.  A Pyramid scheme swalling a pyramid scheme.  The synergies of "What the hell are we?" and "How the hell are we still in business?" and on top of that they are evil and want to take over the world.  To do that you have to beat Google.  This merger is just crazy enough to actually happen.

3) Baidu
If China wants to get into the American market, is there a better way to go?  Yahoo!, has all a foreign company needs to break into America.  All it needs is a decent brain behind it to turn it around.  I have no doubt that China's leading search engine has that brain.

2) Microsoft
Not letting this happen was the single worst decision Yahoo!, any stock holder, or anyone affiliated with Yahoo! ever made.  I would not be surprised if Microsoft made another run at this.

1) Google
Duh!  Sadly this is inevitable if there are no other options and Yahoo! continues to sell itself off piece by piece.  The last, biggest, and least valuable chunk will end up at Google.  No regulator will stop it because no one else wanted the disease ridden hunk of code and login data.

If any of these happen I will demand a 1% cut.  I am dead serious.

Thanks for reading,
You friendly neighborhood MetaFilter lurker,
Pip
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