Friday, May 29, 2009

Top Ten Friday Night: Future the to Back

Just jumping right into this week with a doozy.

100.  10 Things You Did Not Know About Orgasms.  It's a video.  I won't embed it.  I will say I was shocked to find out that genitalia are optional.

98.  9 Classic Floyd Mayweather Moments.  Now I am not mocking this list as much as I am Floyd, boxing, and the lame weed sight it's on.

That video is classic.  Brian Kenney does not back down from a verbal fight, ever.

87. 7(ish) Questions About Back to the Future That Chris Hardwick has Always Wanted to Ask but Waited Until He had a Blog to Do So.

4: In 1955 Marty sets in motion a chain of events that will forever alter his family. Nov 5, 1955 is not only the day that Doc had a vision of the Flux Capacitor, but also the day that George and Loraine were to meet and fall in love. However, with Marty in 1955, he tries to save his dad from being hit by his grandfather’s car only to wind up under it himself.  Something to wonder: Mr Baines says “another one of these damned kids jumped in front of my car.”  Does that mean that guys were always in the tree peeping at Leah Thompson? (A plausible theory, she was ├╝ber hot in the 80’s and known to take her top off. See:”All the Right Moves” ’83) Or was Mr Baines a closeted alcoholic that often ran over teenage boys? I think the latter is the more likely.

Ah, the days of the drinking lunch.
Ah, the days of the drinking lunch.

82.  10 Golden Rules of Social Media.  Sadly this list is needed.  I know I am guilty of breaking many of these.
7. Give Kudos. Social media works when you are generous. There is nothing wrong with self-promotion, but things really take off when you give others praise or a moment in the spotlight. The rise of retweeting — real retweeting, not spammy retweeting — shows how far giving credit to others can go in social spaces.

77.  Top 50 Reasons to Have Sex.   My favs: 8. Nothing Good on TV  9. You're in a Hotel.

76.  12 Inhabited Bridges.  Yes one of them is the one that's always falling down.  But I like the following one better.

68.  Three Board Games to Make Your Video Game Friends Hate You.  For some reason Mall Madness and Diplomacy are not on this list?

3) Gloom
Style: Colorfully competitive, free for all
Number of players: 2-5 (3+ recommended)
Learning Curve: 0 out of 5
Game Length: 20-30 minutes
Gloom is quick, easy, and pretty much any other nice word for a prostitute. A full card game with art reminiscent of Edward Gory, every player controls an eccentric family. Each family fits into a colorfully homicidal theme that would seem ripped right out of a Roald Dahl book, or A Series of Unfortunate Events. After making that clear, the objective of the game is to make your family incredibly miserable, then kill them.

65.  Seven Things Wanted in Star Trek 12.  Yeah they said 2, I said 12.  Suck it.

The Enterprise crew (l-r): Chekov (Anton Yelchin), Kirk (Chris Pine), Scotty (Simon Pegg), Bones (Karl Urban), Sulu (John Cho), and Uhura (Zoe Saldana).

The origin stories of Kirk and Spock worked so well in the first film that producers might be thinking that audiences want historical gaps filled in for the rest of the Enterprise crew. We don't. Move on. Don't you dare go back and show us Uhura or Sulu as a child. The fact is that even the smartest writers in Hollywood sometimes fall into the understandable trap of "Well, it worked the first time." The instinct to repeat what worked about an original often sinks a sequel and I'm sure there are some concepts for the Trek sequel that involve more back story. We don't need young Chekov in school or how Sulu learned how to fence. You set up this alternate universe. Don't explain it any more. Just explore it.

54.  7 stupid Things Men Do to Impress Women.  Hands up all who are guilty of at least one of these.

Learn to play guitar

So you wanna be a rock and roll star?
Well listen now to what I say
Just get an electric guitar
And take some time
And learn how to play

As I was saying earlier, men don’t learn to play instruments to get record contracts, men learn to play instruments to get laid. I knew a guy in college and I’m pretty sure he could only play two things: Air Supply and Dave Matthews. How you run the musical gamut and fall face first into those two bands, I still have no idea, but it’s what he knew and it’s all he cared to learn and by God it worked on the ladies.
Now, I’m not going to tell you how many times in a day one has to hear “Crash Into Me,” in a single sitting before they get the urge to kill (1 ½), but I’ll tell you this–no man learns to play Air Supply unless he’s trying to impress a woman. Hell, Air Supply doesn’t listen to Air Supply records without a woman in the room. And you’ll never hear a grown man playing Dave Matthews in a crowd with no woman present unless he wants an epic Full Metal Jacket soap-in-a-pillowcase-style beating.
Yet, everyday young boys pick up guitars and dream of being big rock singers. Actually, they see some hot girl they want to impress—then they decide it’s time to grab and axe and learn to make them swoon. And can you blame them? It’s the only profession that women will throw their panties at you while you work. They certainly don’t do that down at the H&R Block.

49. 5 Things Comic Book Movies Need to Stop Doing.   Amen!  Really, guys comic books are enjoyed for reasons, don't forget those reasons.

3) Cramming in Villains

This trend started way back in the '90s, when it was announced that - gasp, shock -Batman Returns would have not one but two famous villains in it, Catwoman and The Penguin. That proved to be pretty popular, so they kept at it, regardless of whether or not it really worked out or made sense or wasn't retarded story-wise, and the practice has bled into most other superhero franchises. Thing is, once they switch to having two baddies in every installment, they never seem to go back - meaning we can expect this to happen in all future Spider-man flicks, and it looks like Iron Man is going down the same road.

Now, having two villains isn't necessarily a bad thing, provided the writing is good, but frankly, more than a few of these movies seem to have more than one bad guy just for the hell of it, and there's usually a B- or C-list villain in there somewhere, which is kinda like announcing at the varsity basketball team that they're going to blend junior varsity players into the team for this one game. Meaning that while you're really there to see the A-list guys, you're also stuck watching the JV kids bumble around and fuck up.

43.  6 Ways to Sync your iPhone Without iTunes.  Good, I hate iTunes.   But seeing as I don't have any Apple product this is not a problem for me, and as such I won't endorse any of these programs.

32. The Most Beautiful Women in the World: 1950's-1980's.  It starts and end right here people.

23.  700 Underwear Clad Vigilante Mutants.  AKA: Worst Super Hero names ever thought of.  Awesome, so awesome you will get a block quote.

110. The Blue Stuff
111. Nondescript Man
112. Dirtblast
113. The Goodbio Girl
114. The Polarizer
115. Professor Leisure
116. The Homeopath
117. Magnetic Hematite Lad
118. Lazarus, the Incontinent
119. CargoThug
120. Eternal Intern

14. 10 Strangest Species Discovered This Year.   I wonder how Indy would feel about this one?

Barbados Threadsnake aka Leptotyphlops carlae
The world’s tiniest, quarter-wrapping snake made the rounds of the internet last year and made the ASU’s species list this year. It’s only found in Barbados.

11. World's Top 11 Earning Models.  I broke my rule just for you.  Heidi Klum is 35!!  And she's #2.  That's pretty cool.  There is hope for humanity after all.

2. Heidi Klum - $16 Million

While still a successful model at 35 with three kids, the majority of Klum's earnings are driven by her TV and endorsement career. Though she's currently expecting baby No. 4 with husband Seal, Klum remains a member of the Victoria's Secret Angel entourage as well as host of Project Runway and Germany's Next Top Model. The German beauty also designs a line of Birkenstock sandals and has endorsement deals with Diet Coke, Volkswagen, McDonald's and LG. This past year, she came out with her own skincare line, In An Instant.

1. 13 Book-to-FIlm Adaptations That the Authors Hated.  A list near and dear to my heart.  #13 was perfect.  Some of these are funny and you have to side with the filmamakers, but the intent rings true.

13. Alan Moore, everything (2001-present)
There have been several adaptations of Alan Moore’s comics, and there are likely to be a lot more. They vary in quality from the abysmal (League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen) to the acceptable (the “For The Man Who Has Everything” episode of the Justice League television show), but they have one thing in common: Moore has had nothing whatsoever to do with them. The man many consider to be the greatest living comics writer has always maintained that he wrote his stories specifically for the comics medium, and that any adaptation would be so different that he didn’t want to be a part of it; now, after four movie adaptations and a handful of lawsuits, he’s asked for his name to be taken off any property he doesn’t directly own, with the result that Watchmen—this year’s big-screen take on what may be the best superhero story in comics history—bore the name of only its artist, Dave Gibbons, in the credits. Given his extremely public, extremely negative, comments about the movie versions of V For Vendettaand League, it’s unlikely he’ll ever change his mind about Hollywood.

Kudos: GGM, NC, AlyK, and SP

See you next week, and by the way, I do take submissions!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wednesday's Ice Cube Tray: Memorial

I don't usually get sentimental, but it came across my desk today that there is one less tramp stamp out in the world.  The trend of tattoo removal makes me sad.  Every tattoo has that much less value because they can all disappear.  :(  So in tribute to the loss of Holly Madison's tramp stamp, I give you the ice cube tray of the shape of her old tattoo.  Yes a completely lame and elaborate excuse to post this.   But what else would expect from me other than something elaboratively lame.


Monday, May 25, 2009

Music Monday: Name Free

Listen to a Gypsy sing Lady Madonna to an accompianment of a Ukulele.

Read the essay.

Lady Madonna is a testimonial to Female Power. And the grim determination of mommies everywhere. It was written in the period where McCartney was breaking up with the self centered Jane Asher, and was soon to hook up with uber-MILF Linda Eastman. A very good move.
Things I did not need to know about Linda McCartney for $200, Alex.

I got to hang out with a friend I hadn't seen in a while.  A friend I tortured with the following song for an entire summer.  A friend that to this day will lash out violently at the mere mention of it.  Removing this song from your brain will require drastic measures.

Whoever You Are - Geggy Tah 

I came across this cool Sonic Youth cover a week or two back and had to share.

Bull In The Heather - The Go! Team

I was like 6 the first time I heard this song.  I still get that same degree of "HOLY CRAP THIS IS AWESOME!" that I did back then.

Electric Avenue - Eddie Grant

Viva Zapata.

Seaweed - The Gits

One Sentence Review: Terminator Salvation

"I kept waiting for Voltron to show up." -My friend while leaving the theater last night.

For me it works out to this:

Transformers + Mad Max + BattleStar Galactica + Wizard of Oz = Terminator Salvation

Friday, May 22, 2009

Top Ten Friday Night: Eight is not Enough

Look, I'm braking my rule this week.  I'm putting up a slide show.  They got me several ways with this one.  First they put together a really good list, second they made each click worthwhile by adding a lengthy write up on each page, and third the list 100 long.  I'm a sucker for that crap as you know.  I like quality gimmicks and a top 100 list will get nearly every time.

100.  Top 100 Comic Book Villains of All Time.  They nailed the top 10.  And the list is a nice mix of Marvel, DC, and Indie.  Very balanced and well thought out.  Not perfect, but well done.

53. Kraven the Hunter

image of Kraven the Hunter

Also known as Sergei Kravinoff, Kraven was a big game hunter who set his eyes on Spider-Man to prove to the world that he was the best hunter around.

95.  How to Start a Blog in 6 Easy Steps.  Guess who skipped half of this list?  And I think this spot needs to be the idiot slot from now on.

Step 1: Pick a Purpose
Here are some reasons that you may want to start a blog:
  • To share your ideas and opinions
  • to make money
  • to teach, entertain or inform people
  • to make friends
  • to make a difference in the world

For each blog you create it is good to have a strong sense of that blog’s purpose and what you hope to accomplish with it.  If your sense of purpose is strong then everything else tends to fall into place naturally.

89.  15 College Movies With Actors Too Old For Their Roles.  This was half the joke about Old School.

American Pie 2 - Alyson Hannigan

Alyson Hannigan will forever be remembered for her role as the lovable girl dork in the American Pie franchise. It’d be suprrising for most to findo out that, by the end of her role as the infamous band girl, she was in her early thirties.

81. Energy Drinks of the Nineties.


Taglines:  “SUUURRRRRRGE!”, Feed The Rush, Life’s A Scream
Surge was a scream-inducing citrus soft drink that Coca-Cola made to compete with Pepsi’s Mountain Dew.  It went directly after the extreme (EXTREME!) sports lifestyle that Mountain Dew now covets, and did so successfully for a few years.  Unfortunately, SURGE was discontinued in 2002 and replaced by Vault.  For the SURGEaholics out there, SURGE is still sold in Norway.  Weird.
77.  How to Turn a Robot Evil in Nine Steps.  Goddamn robots.  Humans need 12 steps so they have show off their efficiency and do it in only 9!

Step Five: Build your robot out of alien technologies you found deep underground in a locked chamber that says "beware" on the outside in some kind of funny alien letters you can't read.
Alien tech is always better than human tech, especially for robots. Mecha Godzilla could tell you that, as could Megatron.

72.  Ten Worst Song Lyrics of All Time.   Try to get these songs out of your head.

10. Rhythm is a Dancer by Snap: "I'm serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer"

65. The 10 Coolest Jobs in Tech.  Actually I'd like doing almost any of these.  I guess I should have gone back to college after all.

2. Computer games tester
Upside: you get paid to play games before anybody else gets their hands on them.
Downside: the pay's generally not great and do you really want to repeat the same level over and over and over again?

51.  16 Genuine Cyborg Technologies.   My favorite is the Liver.  This stuff is crazy, and I cannot believe how far we've come.  Most of these ideas need work, but by the time I need them, they should all be ready.

48.  Top 10 Most Disturbing Books of All Time.  See, the idiot Teetolers never ban the really fucked up stuff.  They ban the cool ones, or the good ones, never the ones that people could really get behind banning.

5. American Psycho

American Psycho really leaves you wondering a little bit about Bret Easton Ellis’ sanity. Many people are probably familiar with the movie starring Christian Bale, but the movie pales in comparison to the book when it comes to levels of depraved insanity. The book follows investment banker, and serial killer, Patrick Bateman over a few years of his life. As the book moves on his killings becomes more and more sadistic, leading to quite a few scenes that will never, ever completely leave your mind, including a particularly repugnant sequence involving a starved rat, some cheese, and a tube. You are guaranteed to feel a little filthy, at the least, after reading this book.

39.  10 Sexiest and Most Stylish Women of Star Trek.  What?!?!  I bet you think this is just a cheap excuse to post a picture of Jerri Ryan?  Well, it is!  I had completely forgotten about Ashley Judd until I read this list. Thank You List!

Seven of Nine

Seven of Nine (portrayed by Jeri Ryan) appears in Star Trek: VoyagerBorn human, she was assimilated by the Borg at the age of six.
Style: Seven of Nine's sports a hot figure-hugging silver costume (she has the figure to pull it off) and a stylish hairdo:

Seven of Nine

24.  10 Most Unusual Spam Cans.  If thought the stuff inside was weird.  Holy crap, wait until you see these cans.   I did not know you could take Spam and do unholy things to it.  Guess who was wrong!

Oh, and look: Just in case Tobasco wasn’t enough of an inferno…

Set your poor ass aflame with this sure-to-shit concoction. My goodness! Was it wholly necessary to combine Japapeno peppers with the already stomach churning mess that is SPAM? Apparently.

18. Top 50 Essential Sci-Fi Films.  The right movies are on this list, but in absolutely the most wrong order ever.  But go see as many of these as possible.  Not missing at all: The Matrix.  <--- not sarcastic I hated that stupid movie!  And anyone who's ever regularly read comic books should as well!

16. Explorers (1985)
Directed by Joe Dante
In his mid-’80s heyday, the manic, toon-inspired wackiness of director Dante transformed potentially predictable material like ‘The Howling’ and ‘Gremlins’ into madcap multiplex masterworks loaded with crazed invention. But with ‘Explorers’, this technique proves ultimately self-defeating: what begins as a sweet, thoughtful pre-teen drama builds beautifully into a compelling, wide-eyed interstellar fantasy, and then explodes, in the final act, into a noisy rubber-faced gagfest of monumental crassness. Still, that first hour-and-a-bit is marvelous. TH
Click here for the trailer to 'Explorers'

11. 100 Amazing Websites to Teach Yourself Anything.  Nearly anything anyway.

97.  U.S. Census BureauGet the stats on just about everything you could want to know about Americans on this site.

6.  7 Webotainers Worth Watching.  Let's see New Buzzword?  Check.  Alliteration? Check.  Quality things at each number? Check.  Yes this list has it all.

My Roommate the Cylon
Creative team Spaceshank Media drags the lofty Battletar Galactica mythology down to earth, where an apartment full of semi-dim twenty-somethings debate Cylon DNA.  Smart editing eliminates the need for stunt people to fall off a three-story balcony.

1. 10 Reasons Johnny Cash Owns Chuck Norris.

Reason 8.
Johnny was invited to play the at White House in 1972 for Richard Nixon. He was given a list of politically correct songs to sing. He instead metaphorically threw up his middle finger at the establishment, in true ShoutWire fashion, and sang a set full of left leaning, politically charged tunes. Chuck Norris has never told the president to fuck off in his own house.

'Nuff Said

Again, must thank to the blog I stole half my list from.  I've come a long way in 8 weeks.  Next step is finding another reliable source or two.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Thursdaytron: Interview...kinda

So I accidentally did my first interview.  It was one question.  But a question nobody had asked yet.  And the answer was well thought out, honest and dead on.  Concerning this discussion.

No one asked him what he thought!  I sent him the link to the Sci-Fight page and he thanked me, then I realized I did not see his answer to the question.  So I asked him.

I even asked my question as a lame tack-on to our email exchange:

BTW- Who do you think would win that fight?

Well well.  Someone asked ME. Okay, here goes.

Vader could beat Batman if Batman were asleep or drunk.  Otherwise Vader loses.  I submit to you the following:

1.  It's about the costume.  Nobody would doubt that Batman could beat the snot out of the wormy little child-murderer Anakin Skywalker.  He's just another killer with supernatural powers and a fancy weapon; Batman deals with this stuff all the time. 

2. Batman is smart, Vader is not.  Please remember that Vader was tricked into killing a school full of children by Palpatine.  Batman wouldn't do that.  Nobody would do that.  Anakin alone is weak enough.

3. Both men have money, but only Bruce Wayne uses it.  Vader represents a galaxy-spanning government, and it could be argued that he has access to more resources than Wayne could ever dream of.  But he never returns to Tatooine in order to buy his mother free from slavery.  He only goes and rescues her when he gets worried about her.  And he could have done it at any time, whether the council said so or not.  Remember that Anakin Skywalker does as he pleases; it's his whole rep.

4. Back to money.  When Batman knows what he's up against, he prepares accordingly, spends money, and wins.  He took down Superman and Darkseid that way.  Bear in mind that Superman and Darkseid are powerful enough to kill Vader on accident, without being aware of doing it.  And Batman beat them both.

5.  The force isn't that great.  Vader can use only ONE force power at a time, unless you distract him.  Batman can distract just fine; one bit of force choke and Batman can fling thermite, acid or simply throw an EMP grenade, which will shut down whatever electronics Vader is using.  And he seems to use them to breathe.  That is a distraction.  MAYBE Vader would have a chance if he was the Vader in the "Power of the Force" game.  But it doesn't look good either way.

6.  Vader is a bad guy.  He has killed children, tortured his daughter and who knows what else.  Batman is a good guy.  Vader can't win unless Batman is asleep or drunk.

Ahh.  That felt good.  Thank you for asking.  This isn't to say that Batman would lose against every Jedi; Mace Windu's Shatterpoint power set is pretty good.  He shouldn't have died in the third movie.  That brings in a Jedi's biggest weakness: bad writing

-lunch bag guy.

He posted it on the bottom of the comments in that thread.  I loved his joke/truth about a Jedi's biggest weakness being George Lucas!  I know he said bad writing, but we all know what he meant.  He sums up the reality of it in the first point "he's just another killer with Super Powers and a fancy Weapon.  Batman deals with this stuff all the time!"  It is Vader's suit that causes us to think Vader is anything other than another bully.  That suit is an elaborate life support system and is Vader's biggest weakness.  Batman would disable the suit, Vader dies, or surrenders.  The End.

The real debate remains:

Who'd win in a fight?
Paul Muad'dib or Luke Skywalker.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wednesday's Ice Cube Tray: Shark Fins

Who needs Land Shark, who needs Salsa Shark, when you can have Ice Shark!  (come up with a better joke here!)

How cool is that?  Get it, cool. Regardless of any bad joke I may try to make, these things look like fun, and I doubt they would ever stop amusing me.

Check out the trays.  I love when people go all the way with something.


Monday, May 18, 2009

Music Monday: Release Me

2 Beattles tunes because I suck.  Wait a second, that should be 2 Beatles tunes because I am awesome.

Listen to Ydob Rodo, and as always READ the essay.

It was the last song The Beatles ever recorded. It is the valedictory. 

Because, as a lyric, is John’s most cogent (And to my mind most successful) explication of his personal philosophy. This is Lennon’s version of The Meaning Of Life. It displays the brilliance of reducing a worldview to one word, “Because.”

Listen to Good Night, and READ that essay too!

After a long and crazy 1968 you got a long and crazy (double) Beatle Album. It came out on the fifth anniversary of Dead Kennedy Day, the national television event that paved the way for The Beatles to emerge as a Lolita-like butterfly of fun fully formed on Ed Sullivan 3 months later. In Early 1964 The Beatles were an antidote of positivity for a grieving nation. By Christmastime 1968 they had become reporters and participants of the ongoing catastrophe. The White Album is so much of it’s era, it feels like it is vibrating the collective angst of an angry planet. It was a messy time. Like now.

Amanda Palmer's Drop Me:


Wilson Phillips - Release Me:

Screamers - The Beat Goes On:

I found these guys by accident, and you shall see that post upcoming, but I wanted to share.  They are an highly influential, never recored Synth-Punk band from the mid seventies.  Punk w/o guitars is fucking cool, to me anyway.  When I heard the Dead Kennedy's were inspired by them, it made complete sense.

Pennywise - Society

I did not realize they were in town last night, until it was too late to find a babysitter.   Dr Drew and Adam Corolla's most favorite band ever!

The Pierce's - Turn on Billie

An amazing pair of sisters that sing older sounding songs with a modern edge.  I know that's full of cliche's but they are amazing.  And this song has a super cute video.

That is my random collection of tune's for this week.  Have fun.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Top Ten Friday Night: Stretching Everything

Rewaching for topics, trying to beat my self imposed deadline, we have it all this week.

100.  Top 10 Signs Your Man is Gay.  Next week I'll make sure I use the Top 10 Signs You are desperate for Blog Material.  I honestly apologize for this one, and hope it makes you laugh.

96.  Top 10 Megan Fox Quotes.  Speaking of dumb things that I hope make you laugh.....
Megan Fox on Alan Alda
“I am pretty sure I am a doppelganger for Alan Alda. I’m a tranny. I’m a man. I’m so painfully insecure. I’m on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I’m scared,” – Red Carpet Golden Globes 2009
File under:  Things that make you go WTF?!?!

88.  15 Vintage PinUp Photos of Sexy Celebrities.  A modern list in a classic style.  If this does not make up for the previous tow, then there is no hope for either of us.  And I am ok with that.

Rose McGowan:

72.  Super-Long List of Real Life Spy Gadgets.  There are too many to pick one!  But I'll go with the one on the left, because it's analog.  coda
Peephole reverser - This is also known in the business as a tactical door viewer. The device is simply placed over the peephole in the door, allowing you to look into a house or other building. Without alerting the occupants, you can easily assess any threats or potential hazards that may be inside before continuing.

68.  Top 10 Most Shafted Characters in Lost.  I do not watch this show, but continue to use Lost based Lists in a blatant attempt to draw traffic to my blog.  No I do not do the same for the girlie list I use each week, I actually have an interest in that subject.  coda

9 & 8) Paulo and Nikki
Paulo Nikki.jpg
A complete failed experiment -- the writers were thinking about introducing new characters from Flight 815, and pretending they'd been there all the time. "Yeah, remember when Paulo handed Sayid the water bottle that one time on the beach? No? Well trust us, he did." Yeah,, he didn't. It was a ham-fisted attempt to shove characters into a storyline that hadn't previously included them, and it was obvious -- but who knows what Lost had planned for these two? We'll never know, since we fans bitched and moaned and got their asses killed ASAP. Happily, they got a kick-ass sendoff in an episode full of Hitchcockian awesomeness. And so that one episode stands out like a What-If episode of Lost; sort of the Marvel comics assistant-editors month episode, where the story takes place in the same world, uses some of the same characters, but has little to do with what's come before, and is never spoken of later. 

59.  Rules for Time Travelers.  Any list that starts at zero has already one me over.  Even though I disagree with much of their logic, it is a fun list that is well thought out.  coda: same as above

0. There are no paradoxes.
This is the overarching rule, to which all other rules are subservient. It’s not a statement about physics; it’s simply a statement about logic. In the actual world, true paradoxes — events requiring decidable propositions to be simultaneously true and false — do not occur. Anything that looks like it would be a paradox if it happened indicates either that it won’t happen, or our understanding of the laws of nature is incomplete. Whatever laws of nature the builder of fictional worlds decides to abide by, they must not allow for true paradoxes.

55.  12 Futuristic Mega-structures.

Proposed Arcosanti Magestructure

47.  12 Perfect Laptop Stands.  Yes of course I pick the lowest tech one.  It's called "this is my blog and I'm going to have fun."

36.  10 Best iPhone Games for Hardcore Gamers.  #1 is there for a reason, but the rest of the list all look like winners.  Almost makes me wish I had an iPhone.  Rant: Dear Apple, F you and your a-hole pricing structure.   You are spending $300+ on too much storage or not enough, or you spend $200 on crap.  Give me an iPhone with some damn storage, or an old school iPod that had 80gig and is cheap! I need no other reason to hate you Apple, although I have plenty.  /Rant  coda: GGC again

1. Wolfenstein 3D Classic ($2)
Quite possibly the best iPhone game in existence. 60 huge levels, laid out precisely as you remember them. Smooth, functional controls (touch or tilt - your choice!), designed by the original creator and legendary designer John Carmack. What could be better? Only the upcoming port of Doom.

22.  12 Ways Videos Games Help our Real Lives.  Such a stretch, this whole list is.  But I want it all to be true!


Gaming Benefits: Social Benefits

Video games often get a bad reputation for diminishing the social skills of those that play them.  There is plenty evidence that supports just the opposite.  In fact getting together with your friends in the living or at a bar to play video games is on the rise.  It is the "sense of freedom and connection to other people" that make games more fun and addicting.
 You lose me right there guys.  Honestly, social benefits?  Give me a break.  All I learned from my geek friends was not to taunt anyone when winning at Magic: The Gathering, because you'd have the group gang up on next game.  Useful, but would I have not been better off just not playing Magic?!?!?!

18.  25 Computer Products that Refuse to Die.  A great list, very true, very honest, and had loads of information I was not aware of.  I miss floppy disks, and still have a ton of games I refused to throw out on them.

Floppy disks
Computer Products That Refuse to Die: Floppy disks
What they were: form of removable storage, in 3.5-, 5.25- and 8-inch variants, that started in the 1970s as a high-end alternative to saving programs on audio cassettes, then segued into serving as a handy complement to hard drives.
What happened: Until the mid-1990s, floppies remained essential. But then the Internet came along and provided folks with file downloads and attachments -- faster ways to accomplish tasks that had long been the floppy disk’s domain, without floppies’ 1.44MB capacity limitation. (Higher-capacity floppies arrived at about the same time, but never caught on.) Much higher-capacity storage media like Zip disks and recordable DVDs nudged floppies further towards irrelevancy. And USB drives -- which provide a gigabyte or more of storage for less than what I paid for one 72KB floppy in the 1970s -- finished the job.
Current whereabouts: Floppy drives are no longer standard equipment, but they certainly haven’t vanished -- in fact, you may have a computer or two around the house that sports one. New 3.5-inch drives and media remain readily available, and you might be able to find 5.25-inch ones if you hunt a bit. (8-inch floppies I can’t help you with.) Which leaves only one question: Under what circumstances would you opt for floppies over something like a $10 (or so) 4GB USB drive that holds 2750 times as much data?

5. Top 10 Cars to Have Sex In.  Great list, dirty, but well thought out.

5. Cadillac Escalade 

With plenty of room in this massive SUV, there's no need to contort your body into weird positions. While that's still a fun option, the ample headroom and cushy seats of the Escalade make any position a possibility, even doggie style. Bonus points if you can make the rims spin while parked.

1.   Top 50 Sci-Fi Characters.  As voted on by you!  And let me tell you, YOU SUCK!  YOU have no idea what the hell you are doing and should be banned from internet.  Another fine example of:  The masses are asses!  It's up here because I spent most of last night on it.  And because of this awesome accident:

The Dreaded Scott Bakula Paradox!!  My computer did not explose.  *whew*

Enjoy!  I did find some new sources this week, but man the GGM just feeds me the most.  I thank him for all his awesome work!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Top Ten Friday Night: Lives long and prospers.

Yes, we are working off a Star Trek theme this week.  Don't blame me,  I take from I can work with and these are the ones I can work with.  So there.  As always if you have a suggestion make it  really obscure or something that was posted that week, and send it to blogDOTpbiATgmailDOTcom.   Wow doing that was kind of fun, makes me feel like I get a ton of spam and want only readers to email me.

As always, thanks to usual suspects.  The Great Geek Manual, Nerdcore, Superpunch, and Awful Announcing.

100.  Seven Coolest Moments from Star Trek Movies.  Notice something missing?  ANy movie with the TNG cast.  Ouch!

7. Tour of the Enterprise (from Star Trek: The Motion Picture)
I don't recommend the first movie version to start with because of its glacially-slow pace and the silly yet serious nature of the plot, but the slow pace actually works in its favor during this early sequence. Kirk returns after a three-year absence to take command of the U.S.S. Enterprise, which has been recently rebuilt and floats in dry dock. For fans, the ship looks beautiful and glowing, the ideal of what it should look like. For newcomers, it's an introduction to a versatile spacecraft build for speed.What makes it cool: Kirk's eyes as he beholds the ship that he loves. And the knowledge that his next adventure is just beginning.

94.  Top 25 Hottest Teachers that were Sex Offenders.   Hot for teacher?  Be careful because some hot female teachers can be just as creepy and gross.  Remember kids, sometimes fantasies should stay inside your head.


3. Debra Lafave

Perhaps the most notorious female sex offender in recent years, Lafave is a former teacher at Angelo L. Greco Middle School in Temple Terrace, Florida. At age 18, she briefly worked as a model for magazines. Provocative modeling photographs of Lafave had circulated on the Internet since she first gained notoriety.
Her Crime: At age 23, Lafave was charged with statutory rape involving a 14-year-old male student in Angelo L. Greco Middle School.
Verdict: Three years of Community Control (house arrest) and seven years probation, along with various other requirements.

93.  Extraordinary Clocks and Watches.  These are beautiful, amazing, and scentific.  Just a wonderful page of art.    Some are also just plain fun.

If you don't like numbers, time can be told in phrases - check out the "Tubular Time" word-clock - order it here:

(image via)

Combine it with a Danger Bomb alarm clock, that requires your full concentration:


88.  Top 7 Classic Moments from Spelling Bees.   E-m-b-a-r-r-a-s-s-i-n-g!!

Numb Nut?

This was classic.  And the best part is that there’s no way this kid ever used the word numbnuts before.

76.  Top 5 Star Trek Villains.  They forgot Q, but that's ok.

The Borg
Image: The Borg
Resistance is futile, but surrender isn’t much better when it comes to the assimilation-centric Borg. The cold, detached bio-technological race sought perfection by forcibly absorbing other civilizations into their drone collective. That process included lopping off limbs, removing superfluous eyes, and doing away with whatever other bits of body the Borg deem worthless in favor of cybernetic implants and built-in weapons. And since emotions don’t play a part in an effective hive mind, the Borg eagerly destroyed those who interfered with their genocide-for-the-greater-good plan. There’s virtually no way to best them, unless of course you’re a Starfleet captain, in which case bringing down the entire Borg nation is a doable endeavor — if you’re willing to spare a few red shirts and some of your own factory-original parts.

72.  15 Housing Projects from Hell.  Looks like none of this list is from America, Viva La Trailer Park!  This picture hurts my eyes, but the words hurt my brain.

Anyone who has been to Hong Kong will have been , stunned, depressed to see these anonymous gigantic housing blocks. The amazing thing is that these are owner occupied rather than social housing.

64.  Planetariums from the USA.   From ugly to beautiful.  America occasionally gets some things very right.

Strasenburgh Planetarium

Since its opening in 1968, the Strasenburgh Planetarium has been greater Rochester's dependable source of clear, accurate information about astronomical events, space missions, and breaking news of the universe. photo credit
Strasenburgh Planetarium, Rochester Museum and Science Center, Rochester, NY – Opened in 1968, the Strasenburgh Planetarium is a favorite among those who live close to upstate New York.  It houses the first Zeiss Mark VI planetarium projector, which it still uses today.  The projector, although 40 years old, is nonetheless capable of projecting 8900 stars, the moon, and our nearby planets as they appear to the naked eye under perfect viewing conditions.  The Strasenburgh Planetarium is also credited with being the very first planetarium to be computer automated.

59.  Ten Things Learned from Attending Conventions.  This type of list will never get old, because geeks are weird!

9. Star Trek fans think big. Every year, York farmer Tom Pearcy creates the world’s largest maze in his field of (ahem) maize crops, and - when I visited - he’d cut an impossibly complex 35-acre depiction of the Starship Enterprise, a Borg Cube, Captain Picard and Mr Spock into the hillside. I paid £5 to enter and spent the next three hours attempting to negotiate my way back out again. With my girlfriend, three mates, and the family dog. In the pissing rain. The following year, he reclaimed the world record with an equally impressive 40-acre tribute to The Spy Who Loved Me.

41.  Top Ten Most Annoying Sportscaster Lines.  I have to agree with most of these.  This job has got to be one of the best paying non-skilled jobs out there.   Ron Artest joke ftw!

10. Naming the body part instead of the injury
“Out three weeks with an ankle.” Damn, I have two ankles. Does that net me six weeks? In an industry where people are paid to fill air time whether or not they have anything to say (see Kornheiser, Tony), do we really need this sort of truncation and/or laziness? Fun for jokes and Top 10 lists, though. “Ron Artest is out for the season with a brain.”

32.  Top 10 Mud huts Yurts, Tents, and an Igloo with Satellite Dishes.  Oh my.   Words, I am at a loss for them.  File under: Truth, stranger than fiction.

A small image, but apparently and unbelievably - real.

21. Space-racism is bad: And 17 other not-so-subtle lessons learned from Star Trek.  A moral in every episode.

5. Be cautious when introducing new lifeforms to your eco-system—even super cute ones (original series, “The Trouble With Tribbles”)
When Uhura brings an adorable, furry little tribble back to the ship, the immediate reaction is friendly: Tribbles coo, and their sound and feel is very soothing to humans. But little did the crew know that if you feed a tribble, it will immediately begin to asexually reproduce—and the more you feed it, the more tribbles you’ll end up with. The creatures eventually begin to take over all available space on the Enterprise, getting into the grain supply and eating it all up. That turns out to be a good thing, since the grain had been poisoned by a devious Klingon. Still, everyone learns that a starship is no place for a tribble to live, and Scotty cleverly uses them to mess with the Klingons—he beams the lot of them into their engine room.          

11.  Top Ten In Living Colors Characters.  Ah the 90's when both Jim Carey and the Wayans' were funny.  This series was awesome and it is nice to see how much of it stands the test of time.

#6 - Head Detective

Damon Wayans portrayed the polic detective who was left with nothing but his head, hands, and feet after a terrible accident.  He’d fight crime with his partner like a real life Mr. Potato Head.                

2. Top 2 "Out There" Star Trek Licenses.   To boldly go where no man ever should.  EVER!!  Oh my.  Pictures are worth thousands of words:

and this awesome screen cap I took the first time I saw the second item on this list.

Star Trek Frangrance + Need a Local Girlfriend = You still not getting laid.

1.  Poets Ranked by Beard Weight.   Believe it or not this is a very scientific list, perfect for all the beard connoisseur out there.  Side Note: My friend Bre is a serious poet.  It's time for me to break the bad news to her that she has to grow a beard if she really wants to make it big.  Thing is she might do it.

Portrait of Walt Whitman, 1878
Walt Whitman (1819 – 1892)
Beard type: Hibernator
Typical opus: O Captain! My Captain!
Gravity (UPI rating): 22
Who knew Gandalf was a poet?