Friday, April 24, 2009

Top Ten Friday Night: No More Slideshows!

I've done it.  I've gotten to the point where I am finding enough material each week that I can officially ban Slideshows.  So all those annoying top ten lists that require click after click after click will no longer be featured here.   Thank goodness.  I did not think I would reach this point this fast, but I am glad it has.  It's a small and petty victory, but I'll take it, because I hate SLIDESHOWS!  I don't want to click.  I want to scroll and read.  Plus I hate complaining about stupid things over and over.  That's almost as annoying as slideshows.  Next step:  Not getting over half my list from one source.  One thing at a time.  I could have cut my list in half, but that is the easy way out.

100.  Top Ten Fantasy Miscastings.  I like how they give suggested alternates.  Plus calling out Liv Tyler in LOTR takes cajones.  Coda

1. Liv Tyler in The Lord of the Rings

So Peter Jackson hired half a dozen people to make mithril by hand, but figured that the girl from the Aerosmith videos was the best choice to play the most beautiful elf maiden in the world. Can’t win ‘em all, I guess. The gormless elf-maiden blanded through her scenes in the first film; thankfully, after backlash, Jackson cut Arwen out of Helm’s Deep (!) and gave her a subplot about feeling dizzy that we could all skip on our Special Edition DVDs. It’s a bizarre casting error from the guy who had the foresight to pick unknowns for several key roles (Orlando Whom?); seriously, was every other actress in the world busy?
Suggested replacement: Jennifer Connelly. She has a handle on subdued, mature pathos, and her bone structure is disgusting. Elf-queen, indeed.

93.  Time's Top 100 english language books since 1923.  I think we are done with top 100 book lists.  Honestly, how much variation can there be from list to list.  Coda

91.  15 iPhone Apps created by College Students.  Way to waste your parents money you ungrateful entrepreneurs!  Why aren't you getting drunk/high like everyone else? Coda

Drop outs!  Honestly!

88.  19 Nerd Winks on Lost.  I have never and will never watch this show, but despite that fact, this list was really cool.  Not cool enough to change my mind on the show.  Coda

Yeah, I went with the creepy picture of Voltron.

84. Six reasons why Texas won't be missed.  Oh yes, that list could have been much much longer.

79.  Nine Words invented by Science Fiction, not science.  Coda

7. Virus. Computer virus, that is. Dave Gerrold (of “The Trouble With Tribbles” fame) was apparently the first to make the verbal analogy between biological viruses and self-replicating computer programs, in his 1972 story “When Harlie Was One.”

75.  10 Most Visually Stunning Movies of the last 10 years.  Many of these movies sucked, by visually they were amazing.   Coda

65.  Matthew's MacCaughey's next 10 movies.

I would pay to see that one!

64.  Top 500 Most Important Domains on the Internet.  This blog is 501, fact!  Coda

Yeah, geocities is still around, and not doing too bad either.

59.  Top Ten Celebrities caught on film using drugs.  A nice video montage.  Some people are dumb.

58.  The Eleven Most Awesomely Painful Mike Tyson Knockouts.  Before he was a nutjob, well before we realized it, the man was a boxing machine.  He destroyed people.

44.  5 Arguments for using a slow cooker.  I'm glad my wife doesn't read my blog, because I keep it buried in the back of a hard to reach cabinet.  And they are only good for stews and sauces.  A real Bachelor only needs a George Foreman Grill.

40.  Seven ways to Un-Green Your office.  A guide to being a dick in the modern era.  Because wasting the companies money in a recession won't move you up the layoff list at all.

6. Use aerosol cans as an element of illusion- Whenever you enter or leave a room, spray the cans like a mist, and then APPEAR. (cloud of Lysol) “I AM HERE! Start the presentation!” Also works well for leaving bosses office when you screw up. POOF!
Again, a great way to exit the building upon being laid off.

37.  Top 100 Wags.  So a trade.  I disposed of slideshow and will instead use one "for the guys" top ten list each week.  Just one though.  This one is Footballers Wives or Girlfriends.  So just those classy Euro-broads.  ;)

95. Isabel Figueira
Significant Other: ex-wife of César Peixoto (Sporting Clube de Braga)
Full name Ana Isabel Teixeira Laranjo Figueira, the Portuguese model and TV presenter managed to tame playboy César Peixoto, at least for a little while. Married in 2005, they were divorced by 2007 after the birth of their first child. At least Peixoto’s colleagues noticed the engagement had a significant effect on his focusing abilities. how he gets by these days is anyone’s guess.  

32.  Top Ten Evil Queens of Fantasy.  For the evil wannabe in all of us.  Shut up and admit you want to be thier little errand boy (girl). You'd think you were the irreplaceable 2nd in command, until you screwed up and found yourself missing your head.   And to think that Galadriel willing choose to be left off this list.  She so would have been number one.  (again thanx ggm, I'm tired of linking to you.  :P )

3. The White Witch, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe(2005)
Narnia_Queen.jpgI will grant that the White Witch (Tilda Swinton) does not have the title "Queen," though she rules over Narnia for centuries as if she were. She keeps the land in perpetual winter and turns all who oppose her into stone -- plus she tries to kill Aslan, the story's Christ figure. Completely ruthless, she is also easily the best-dressed.
Attempted Bodycount: Thousands
Actual Bodycount: Thousands, plus Jesus

30.  Top 10 Youtube Tricks.  I definitely need to start using some these.  A very very useful list.  and with YouTube being owned by Google, I'm sure there are more hidden gems than just this list.

3. Cut the chase and link to the interesting part

Linking to a video where the real action starts at 3 minutes 22 seconds, wondered if you could make it start at 03:22? You are in luck. All you have to do is add #t=03m22s (#t=XXmYYs for XX mins and YY seconds) to the end of the URL.

27.  Top Ten Things from Your 20's you'll regret when you are 40.

5. Not Traveling (Enough)
It’s hard to realize when you’re 21, but the time for whisking off to foreign lands with nothing to worry about besides which awesome thing to see next quickly evaporates. (Just ask any older person, they’ll tell you all about it.) Before you know it, you’re still in the same place you were seven years before, but with too many responsibilities to get away with jetting off to India for six months, just for the hell of it. So the best bet is to get as much traveling in while you’re single, childless and can still afford to not be working on building up your 401K (as if those mattered much these days, anyway).  So what are you waiting for?
I can check off half of that list, except the one I quoted above.  I traveled.  Mainly roadtrips but still it's better than the total waste that my 20's would have been otherwise.

25.  15 Evil Corporations From Science Fiction that Wal-mart Looks up to.  (I changed their title, it fits better.)

Omni Consumer Products (Robocop)
Described as dystopian and inhumane, Omni Consumer Products (OCP) is an example of military capitalism taken to the extreme, until the corporation no longer cares who gets hurt or killed as long as the PR stays good. OCP is depicted as having its fingers in almost every branch of life, as long as there's money to be made from it. One of their strokes of genius comes from running both criminal organizations and a private police force, thereby ensuring a continued demand for both crime and justice. 

17.  Top 10 Results We'd Like to See as a result of the Rise of the Geeks.  We've taken over and this is the list of our demands.  Comply or be forced to endure hours upon hours of Alf re-runs until you comply.

7. Laser Tag in kids' gym classes  - Do we even need to explain how awesome this would be? We think not.
See, we aren't evil.  I think everyone can get behind this one.

11.  Top 8 Reasons We Should Be Glad Dr. Who is NOT an American.  Yeah, we would kill the concept.  But he'd from Awesome! in the arms of a big breasted hottie in an explosion.  I know, that's the point.  Coda


American audiences would eventually tire of the Doctor's elderly appearance, instead opting for a younger, hipper star. In fact, they'd probably go for a guy in his mid '20s just to get people talking....wait, what? What's he doing here?

5. Top15 Film Misquotes.  Done to death but always worth it.

4. Tarzan
Misquote: Me Tarzan, you Jane!
As believable as it seems, this line was not spoken in the 1932 film Tarzan, the Ape Man. Here is what was actually said:
Jane: (pointing to herself) Jane.
Tarzan: (he points at her) Jane.
Jane: And you? (she points at him) You?
Tarzan: (stabbing himself proudly in the chest) Tarzan, Tarzan.
Jane: (emphasizing his correct response) Tarzan.
Tarzan: (poking back and forth each time) Jane. Tarzan. Jane. Tarzan…
Ah, such eloquence!

1.  Eight reasons why you'll never make money blogging.   I quit!  Thanks Super Punch for that link that crushes my dreams.  Well guess what, my dreams are like cockroaches, they may be easily crushed and afraid of the light, but once crushed they leave a thousand eggs on your foot!

5. You can make more money flipping burgers.
If you want to get your opinions out into the world, or you want to write a diary about your life, whatever—do that. But why do you have to make money at it? Most of you would probably like to write a bit, to get new opportunities, and then leverage the blog to do something fun. Most of you do not want to write blog posts optimized for advertisers. Really.

Think of what an awesome blog that would be!!  The Burger Flippers Blog!  Everyone would read your wit on the BFB!  IT would be bigger blog.  *runs away crying*
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